When I was 20 years old, my interpretation of marriage was as fluffy and fairytale-like as unicorns twirling on rainbow clouds. The idea of being engaged has this glamourized almost celebrity-like prestige.
Then I got engaged and those fluffy rainbow unicorns were flushed down the toilet. The second that ring was on my finger, I was overwhelming myself with serious questions: Is this love? Is this what I really want? I came to realize what I really wanted in life, and an engagement wasn’t one of them.
1. It’s a whole new level of responsibility
You have another human being to care for domestically, which obviously takes up a lot of time and emotion, which takes up a lot of you. Before being engaged you’re thinking mainly about yourself, family and some close friends. But with engagement comes responsibility – another person’s life and well being become your responsibility.
2. You’ll put your dreams at risk
Your travel plans, finishing you undergrad, going for your masters, forget it. You’re going to be consumed with planning a wedding, making appearances, prepping your new pad. Am I saying women can’t multi-task? Absolutely not, but if you’re engaged at a young age you are guaranteed to miss out on the experiences of being young, stupid and free.
You’re in your early- to-mid twenties, you’re still exploring life at this age and have the luxury of being selfish in doing so.
3. ‘Til death to us part
One of the things that hit me the hardest was a lovely fact my friend pointed out: “You’re going to lose it to him.” The thought of having sex with my then fiancé actually made me gag, still does.
When you marry someone, you best be damn sure you love them unconditionally, because there isn’t really any going back. You’re going to be waking up to that face every morning with his flaws and all. I repeat… THE. REST. OF. YOUR. LIFE.
4. You’re not ready to take on another family
Mother-in-laws. That’s enough to scare any woman into singlehood. Think about having a whole new set of parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles all of whom will some way impose themselves into your life.
When you marry a man, you’re also marrying his family. You just barely learned how to tango with your own snarky aunts, do you want to take on his?
كل شئ في وقته حلو – everything is beautiful at the right time. Call it naseeb, fate, serendipity, call it what you will, but it’s underway so don’t interrupt it with your petty fears. Remember when you were 12 and you were in love with the scruffy neighbor boy, then four years later you were like, “WTF was I thinking? Oh right, I was 12!”
The same idea applies to your early- to mid-twenties. Why do you think they say 30 is the new 20? By your late twenties you’ve got this life thing figured out. Don’t allow cultural stigmas to influence you into settling down at such a young age only to realize a year later that this is not what you wanted.
From an early age, it’s implemented into little girls minds to dream about marriage and it’s obscenely horrible. Just remember that all the allure that takes place from the first zaghrouta ends the second you take off that white gown. Say “I do” to the right guy at the right time, the right time for you.