Why Being Reserved Makes You Sexy, Not Boring

Originally published on Elite Daily July 15, 2014

(Jay Alvarez/Tumblr)
(Jay Alvarez/Tumblr)

The universe is unanimously obsessed with Beyoncé for obvious reasons. We want to know how she sleeps, eats and shops, and it has come to the point where she could file a restraining order on the whole world. Because Beyoncé has led such a private personal life, we are consumed by knowing the details of her everyday life. That all changed when she dropped her self-titled album, and she let us into her sex life — aka the sanctuary of every relationship. What used to set Beyoncé apart from today’s female icons is that she never let the public see that side of her; she was as reserved as a celebrity could be.

My mom used to warn me, “Never show a guy all of you; don’t show him your sweet side and don’t tell him all of your secrets.” I brushed it off as old-school, unprogressive advice, but it turned out she was onto something. The reserved woman always intrigues us; wondering what she does all day and how she snagged that man or job keeps us interested in her life because we know nothing about it. Don’t for a second mistake being reserved for being standoffish or timid. On the contrary, reservation suggests an alluring nature. Reserved women aren’t all hush-hush; they are just wise in choosing what to share, how much of it to share and what to hold in.

A reserved woman heeds to her instinct, which makes her vigilant of new and old company. The thing that attracts men to a reserved woman the most is that he has to work to see her body and soul revealed. Guys love a woman who’s self-aware and doesn’t find the need to consult others about her life decisions. Her selectiveness means that she has set standards regarding a man’s demeanor, which he must meet before she can give him the time of day. A reserved woman doesn’t let superficial insecurities get to her because it implies weakness, and weakness is a more embarrassing than anything. She’s still human and has hot-mess days, but you’re not going to know when those days happen because she’s getting it together in her own thoughts. She’s constantly reflecting on herself, and she keeps her life in check by maintaining an exciting outlook on life. If she can’t find things interesting about herself, how can she expect others to be interested in her? She may be a lady in the streets, but you’re wondering what kind of freak she is in the sheets because you’re not getting any hints.

A reserved woman isn’t sexually inexperienced or shy; she is simply private about her sexuality. Reserved women allow the mind to wonder what’s going on beneath those clothes. Labels exist whether we’d like them to or not, but as a reserved woman, you never present an opportunity for others to label you. Reserved women are aware of the image they project to others and know that the only people worthy of seeing all of them have earned it.

We’ve lost a sense of reservation because our lifestyle has become flashier, more provocative and super public due to social media. So how does one adopt this air of mystery? It’s quite simple: Just keep your mouth shut! Be critical about what information you share and with whom you share it with. Saturday nights have become photo ops for women, which has grown to be secretly addicting, but resist the urge to bare all to bare it all online. People want what they can’t have, and they’re curious about what they can’t figure out. That, my friends, is why being reserved is the sexiest thing a woman can be.

 

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