16 Signs You’re a Functional Hot Mess

If you’re an average non-halal millennial or as I’d like to call you, a dear friend, you’ve done this hot mess thing long enough that you’ve actually turned it into an art. Here are 16 signs that you’re a functional hot mess.


1. You rage all night but you’re the first in the office… because you didn’t sleep

no sleep


2. You can out party any 18-year-old and that’s a proud moment for anyone in their mid- to late-20s

18 year old


3. You’ve woken up next to a half eaten shwarma and congratulate yourself on getting a different serving of protein



4. You forget to answer 15 missed calls and messages but inform everyone you’re still alive via Twitter



5. You kinda remember everyone you met last night but not by their name…



6. Before you go out, you set out a fat bottle of water, hair tie, and painkillers for when you get home… because you already know



7. You’re not sure what happened last night but you probably had a good time because your pockets are empty



8. You call your parents before you go out because you can’t be bothered by that while throwing back shots



9. You probably don’t know the name of the person you’ve been talking to for an hour but you’ve managed to snag a business meeting with them



10. You realize your flight is actually at 2 AM not 2 PM hours before your flight and still somehow make it… but forget to pack underwear



11. You’re three hours late but at least you made it



12. You know enough big words to help you escape a conversation with a loser



13. You’ve convinced your boss that a mistake you made was due to your client’s stupidity



14. You’ve managed to make sweatpants look business casual



15. You rely on Snapchat to help you recall what exactly happened last night



16. You check your phone and realized you accidentally texted your ex last night… letting them know how bad they were in bed




Congratulations you’re awesome, lets hang some time.



Originally published on Scoop Empire January 12, 2016



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